Friends & Friendship

Okay, so today seems to be a rare day; this is going to be my second post in a day! I guess I've ignored my blog for a long time (some have gone from calling my blog to be 'dormant' to 'dead'!), but today, the words seem to be flowing.

This was a comment from my sister on my a post 'The Pet Leopard' and I thought of writing a separate post to reply to it.

".. aam.. Talking about friends and having *soo many of them*.. I had a some things that I noted and I wanna share em with you. Do you know that the Oxford word of the year is *Unfriend* (to remove someone off a Social Network like FB) 

-1- If you are on Facebook, how many friends do you have?

-2- What is the difference between a friend and an acquaintance?

-3- Compare "friend" to "comrade (in arms)". Comrades have a reason, perhaps even a life and death reason, to associate. Why do "friends" associate?

-4- Do friendships, just like "emotional relationship" but perhaps to a lesser degree, require "work"?

-5- What is the difference between a Facebook friend and a "real" friend?

-6- What is a "real" friend?

Answering all of this, i believe, would be a lot of work for you.. But I'd be glad if you could do that.. rather if anyone could do that :D"

Gugs, here's what I think about friends and friendships...

I feel that in this world of Facebook and Twitter, the definitions of a 'friend' and an 'acquaintance' have become muddled, and these words are often used interchangeably. But, in my view they are vastly different. Facebook may call everyone on your list, a 'friend', but the reality is vastly different. Most of the people on the everyone's lists are 'acquaintances'; people you've met somewhere and want to get in touch, or stay in touch - maybe 'potential' friends; but, not friends for sure. The one thing that differentiates friends from acquaintances is the feeling that you've for them, and whether you care, or not.

Friends do not associate for a reason; rather, 'friendships' based on the foundation of a reason, or a vested interest are often short lived. I've heard this many times that the bond of true friendship can only be forged in the childhood, or maybe it can only come into existence if two, or more people meet in PERSON. But, my views and experiences on this are different, in fact, vastly different; friendship doesn't know any boundaries, physical, or those of age. You can find a friend anywhere, and in the most unexpected ways. I believe a lot in Destiny and Karma, and feel that it has a lot to do with all of this. People come into your life when you may not be expecting them to come, change your life for the better or worse (in both cases, we learn important lessons and grow); and sometimes, they stay, sometimes not.

Friendship is an emotional relationship too, because without emotions, it cannot be a friendship at all. And, like any emotional relationship, it requires nurturing, and like you said 'work'. Which genuine relationship doesn't have fights, or problems? But, if it is a genuine bond, it doesn't feel like 'work' and the genuineness overcomes all problems. :)

A 'Facebook friend' may be 'real', and vice versa. But, a 'real' friend is, umm, real. :) You know that a person is your friend and no one needs to tell that to you; you just know. Many a times, sweetness of a person is mistaken to be something else, but if you listen to your feelings, you'll know if the sweetness and emotions are genuine, or not. No one can tell you that, and even if someone did, it won't convince you, till you're convinced yourself. 

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, Gugs, and I hope that I've answered your questions; I've tried to do so in the best way I could, with what I feel and think. :)

Here's an image that I love; it depicts friendship and a lot of other emotions. :)

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I'd love to hear the thoughts of anyone who reads this, sort of an an open letter to my sister. Until the next time, see you!

Happpppppppy Birthdaaaaaaaay!! :) :)

Some gulab jamuns and rasgullas.. :D

Some motichur ke laddoos.. :P

Some assorted chocolates and cakes.. ;)

And last but not the least.. The cake! :D

Okay, now that we're done with the mouth watering part, i'll come

to the main part of this post.. :P

This post is for one of my bestest buddies.. one who has been

always there for me.. during the smiles and the tears..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Ms. Isha Chawla.. May you have a great

year ahead with ALL your wishes coming true.. :) :)

May you not have to deal with any more 'paidal' stuff!! ;)

Keep flashing that trademark smile.. :) .. alwaysss.. :) :) Forget

the calories for a day and enjoy! :D

Appppieee Budddaaae!! Janamdin ki baut bahut badhai!!

Saal Mubarak!! Janam diyan ji lakh lakh wadhayun!

Joyeux Anniversaire!

(a lesson for your french and a few other language classes! :P) :D :D

PS - In case you're wondering why does the cake have a piece

missing.. ummm.. aaaaa.. what can i say.. it was too irresistable!

lol.. :D

PPS - This post has turned out to seem like less of a birthday wish

and more of a sweet shop advertisement! lol.. :P

The 'Pet' Leopard

The bunch of 10-12 year old kids watched with wide open eyes as the guide put his hand inside the bars of the cage and petted the leopard inside it!! They were scared.... and amazed at the same time. The leopard was behaving as if he was a pet dog!!

The guy (let’s call him Mr. X) turned to the kids and said that it was a wild leopard and none of them should even think of doing what he just did. "He will bite your hand right off!!", he said. The kids gasped!! And Mr. X only smiled. He could see it written in their eyes. They were seeking an explanation, and he was about to tell them one of the biggest truths of life.

“This leopard was badly injured and rejected by his peers when we found him. He was in a bad shape, and everyone thought that he might not live. But, I decided to do something about it. I gave all that I could to the poor animal...medical attention, care, companionship and love. Yes, Love. I gave it to him at a time when he needed it the most. I cared for him when he was down and out, and had lost the desire to live. At first there was not much improvement. But then slowly, he started responding!! He healed and was back to being the ferocious wild animal that he was.” Mr. X said with a smile on his face. “But there was one big difference. He knew who had been there for him in the times when he was down and out. And he remembers that. And that is the reason why he lets me pet him, because he acknowledges the fact that I was there for him when he needed it the most.” His grin grew bigger, and the kids eyes even bigger!!

And one of the kids in that group started a blog called ‘Spring Blossoms’, much later in his life. Me.J

That incident left a life-long impression in my mind, and a lesson I need to remember, but forget repeatedly. The love given by a friend in times of need has the power to tame even a wild animal, leave alone the supposed civilized humans. At times, I forget this while figuring out who my 'friends' are and who are 'the others'.

We might have many ‘friends’, but we fail to realize the difference between friends and acquaintances. The ones, who are there for you when you need them, when you are down and out, are the Friends. The rest, you might want to call them acquaintances or something else, but definitely not friends. I had learnt an important lesson that day – “Be there for your friends, and value those who are there for you when you need them, with your life.”

THANK YOU ALL MY WONDERFUL FRIENDS. YOU ARE MY ANGELS. J (I need not name anyone, because you know it. J)

The 'Jab We Met' experience...................

Prologue -

--> Jab We Met is a Hindi movie in which the female protagonist misses her train and then meets a guy with whom she eventually falls in love. Lovely movie- go watch it if you have not. :)

--> Mumbai Central, Kurla, Byculla, Dockyard Road, Borivali are all sub-urban stations of Bombay, and the city is full of countless such stations for the local trains.

7th December, 2009

We all have heard about the 'kissas' that keep happening day in and day out in the city of Bombay. I too heard them. But, today it was my turn to witness one such 'kissa' first hand. (A 'kissa' is an interesting incident.)

After a lot of trouble, I had managed to get a confirmed ticket for going from Bombay to Amritsar. The scheduled time for departure of the train was 9.25 pm on 7th December, 2009, from Mumbai Central.

7th December also happens to be my Mom's b'day. That was the reason why I had booked my ticket on a night train. But then, since I was leaving, my Mom decided to celebrate it with our family at my maternal home. So, we left together and stopped for 5 minutes to buy a cake for her. I had decided to travel by a local train to reach the boarding station, since going by road in the rush hour would amount to foolishness. I reached Kurla from where I was supposed to get on another local for Byculla and get a taxi from there to reach Mumbai Central. Bombay and its commuting...PHEW!!

All this would normally take around 1 hour. We left the cake shop at 8.40. (First mistake -10 minutes late.) We reached Kurla at 8.50 and I quickly boarded a train that would take me to Mumbai CST (a terminus for all local trains) by literally jumping onto a moving train. After a while I asked a co-passenger about the time it would take to reach Byculla. He said around 15 minutes, and I thought, 'Okay, I think I would make it'. After a couple of minutes, he said that, 'You want to go to Byculla?? This train is a harbour line train, and it does not go to Byculla!!' (Bombay has 3 lines of local trains - Western , Central & Harbour, & Byculla is on the Central line.) I was shocked!! I knew well about the different lines, but in my hurry to get on a train, I did not realize that I had got on a harbour line train. (Second mistake that cost me 5 crucial minutes.) I called up a friend and asked about the nearest station to Byculla on the harbour line, since all the lines of local train lines run parallel to each other. I got off at a station called Dockyard Road. I ran and got on a cab, and asked the cabbie to get me to Mumbai Central ASAP, and also offered to pay extra to him for getting me there in lesser time. We hit traffic, but still managed to reach by 9.25. I was praying all through. I got off the cab, jumped over the divider and RAN. I got a porter to grab my baggage and ran with him. I reached the platform from where the train was to leave...huffing and panting.

I could see the train's end. It was chugging away, slowly. It had left on time, and I had reached about 2 minutes late. I had missed the train................................................

I quickly decided to run and try to catch the train from the next stop called Borivali, the last stop of my train in Bombay. I hopped on the local train completely packed with the rush hour crowd. People advised me against getting on the train, since it was very crowded, and it would only get more crowded before reaching Borivali, thus making it almost impossible to get off. 2 bags and a laptop bag would not have made my task any easier. But, still I had to get on it, if I was to have any chance of making it in time to get on my missed train. I explained my predicament to the co-passengers, and was delighted to see that all of them were ready to accommodate a silly guy who was trying to catch a train. One of them gave me space to stand with my bags, another one told me about how much time the train would take to reach Borivali, and yet another guy tried to calm me by saying that I would reach in time. I got to know from the railway inquiry (computerised and manual, both), that the train was running late by 22 mins, and thus it would reach at 10.24 pm. I called repeatedly to confirm the same and was relieved when I got the same info each time i called. I thought that I just might make it. One guy even called up his friend to find out if my train was indeed running late. He even offered to help me get down off the crowded train, and eventually did so too. I LOVE Bombay, and its lovely people. :)

I reached Borivali at 10.14 and could not find the train anywhere. I inquired at a tea stall, and got to know that the train had LEFT. At its scheduled time of 10.06. I reconfirmed the same at the Ticket Checker's office. The railway inquiry was wrong.

OMG I missed the train!! For the first time in my life, I had missed a train. And that too right in the beginning of a fortnight long trip.

Some might term it as irresponsible behaviour on my part, or maybe laugh it off, or hold me responsible and scold me, or even say that 'you advertised about your trip to everyone, toh pakka kisi ki nazar lag gayi hai'. I agree, it was irresponsible on my part, and I should have left earlier, and with a buffer on my hand. It was funny to a certain extent as well. But, still it has been a great learning experience. It was a first in my life, and I hope it would be the last. And somehow, as soon as the realization sunk in that the train has left, I somehow had the feeling that it happened for the good.

So, now I have booked a ticket for 10th, and I would be skipping the Amritsar leg of the trip. (I guess Babaji wants me to come to him at some other time.)

This is how my 'Jab We Met' experience unfolded. Full of drama, tension, helpful Mumbaikars, running around, and ironies, but sadly without 'my Kareena'!! :P

PS - This post is a narrative of the day's dramatic events, as well as a confusing guide to the confusing commute of the Bombay city. LOL

Life is Fragile.... Love is Not...

I had written this post a few days back, but couldn’t post it since it was raw. Finally putting it up over here.

8^th June, 09

Today i saw a movie... ‘A Perfect Day’... And to say the least, I was touched by the movie. I mean i know that all the movies have some or the other message, but movies like these preach you something very important about what we call 'LIFE'.

This movie talks about a guy who is reasonably well off, and then he loses his job, and is disheartened & low on self confidence. But, then his loving wife tells him that she believes in him, and how he should try to pursue his hobby of writing. She helps him in writing it, and the story he writes is inspired by his wife. He does, and he touches hearts of all the people who read his book. He becomes hugely successful, but then he starts ignoring his family, and the success starts getting to his head. He starts hurting his wife, his daughter, his father and all the other people behind his success. But, then thanks to his agent, and her little trick with the help of her friend, he comes around. It takes the fear of death; the fear of losing his wife and daughter that takes him to realize his mistake.

Part I -

Most of the times in our lives, we take most of the things that we have for granted, not bothering to stand back and think…think about how blessed we are. And, it is only when we lose them that we realize our mistake. But then, it is too late to do anything about it. This stands true for almost all aspects in our life, and the most for our loved ones. This is unintentional at most of the times. Sometimes, it is because of the extremely busy life that we all have these days, and sometimes it is because of what we call – pride, the pride goes to our head, and we start forgetting about where we came from, our roots. This is what is the beginning of a disaster is. When we start forgetting our roots, our struggle, the effort it takes to reach the place that we manage to reach, and take things for granted. The irony is that, a person gets so busy in trying to make life better for the loved ones that he doesn’t get time for those very people. We don’t realize how loving and caring our parents and friends are, until we are served with some rude awakening by God. Poof!! It vanishes!! The tumble, the loss of a loved one, or loss of a plush job, something like this brings you back to earth with a thud.

So, I feel we should try and take time out for the ones who matter, because you never know when life might take them away from you. Life is very fragile, and short. Make time for the ones who matter - your family and friends. Remember to return calls, drop into a friend’s house without any particular reason, have a small chat, make a small cup of coffee / tea for your parents, or paint with your kid, spend time the ones you love doing anything, no matter how petty.

Part II -

The guy in this movie goes to his Dad, while he is trying to make amends of his selfish and hurtful ways. And there he tells him that he dislikes being called by the nick name ‘Einstein’ given to him by his father, because he feels Einstein was one of the greatest and he is nothing like him, and his Dad uses it to mock him. And when he tells his Dad about what he thinks about the name, his Dad tells him that he called him by that name because he feels his son had great potential and that he was capable of doing great things.

This happens to us too so many times. We assume, we draw our own conclusions about things, we think in ways which might be completely opposite of what the reality is. This holds true especially in the scenarios where our loved ones and close friends are involved- the people who know us well. Most of the times we feel that they are saying something we don’t like because they are angry, or because they feel we are worthless, or there must be some vested interest for them saying what they say. But, trust me on this; I feel there is NO SELFISH MOTIVE behind what the people real close to us – like our parents, wife, grandparents, kids etc., have to say. I mean, yes, at times, it can be clouded by anger or some other things, but eventually (it might be a minute, or longer), they do come around, and wish for our VERY BEST. If you don’t believe me, try seeing something like the passing out parade of the IMA Dehradun, or the felicitation ceremony of soldiers in the Independence Day ceremony, or a convocation ceremony of some college. There, you would observe students and soldiers joyous and filled with pride, but if you would observe closer, you would see that the people even more proud are the parents – chests swelling with pride, and eyes filled with tears. No matter what a parent says, he always feels his child is capable of touching the stars, and that is a reality, because the powers of blessings and self belief are amazing. Anything and I mean ANYTHING can be achieved, if you believe in yourself, and works towards getting it. But, don’t forget your parents or doubt their advice.

I feel that basically though initially I had set out to write about not letting success go to your head and always loving your family and friends, I guess I have also written a fair bit on how important it is to believe in yourself. Always believe in yourself. J … Work towards your goals, and do not forget your roots, and do not forget to be grateful to your parents and God.

So, love your family and friends, take time out for them, and never let success go to your head. Freak out with your friends and family, have fun with your siblings, kids, friends, make the most of now. And sometimes, when you realize that you have done some mistake, admit it, and go back to them. They would take you back when they would see that you have realized your mistakes. Don’t think about what they would feel, or whether they would be angry, because, life is fragile…love isn’t. J I’m not saying that nothing can make us stop loving. There are many things that can lead to that. All I’m saying is that, it takes a LOT to sever the bonds of love. Much more than what we think, and way beyond things like anger, self obsession, greed, doubts etc. or events like bitter fights, ignoring your loved ones, or maybe forgetting to be thankful and humble. It is surprising to see how many problems love can endure and still be there or maybe resurface. Don’t assume, or let go something as precious as love, without giving it a proper thought and fight.

What I said is a lot easier said than done, and I don’t feel I too do it all the time, but then I hope this post would remind this to me all the time. J

And this post only reconfirms my belief... you can blog only when it comes from within.. when you are touched by something deep within... That is when the words just flow... :) ... I'm sorry for being irregular in writing over here.. but guess you guys would understand... :) ...